There’s a Chinese proverb that says “To understand your parents’ love, you must first raise children yourself.” In this time in my life, I can barely take care of myself let alone fully take care of another human being. The amount in which I am constantly thinking about my own desires and needs gives me very little time to think about anyone else’s. When any parent talks about the immense time that she must put in to her child, I am amazed and in the back of my mind think, could I ever do this? While I do not yet know if I will have children, nor do I know how strong my parenting skills will be, meeting people like Tammi help spark the desire in me to one day embody the selfless, all loving qualities of a good parent.
Because it’s so important in New York City to cut any financial costs that one can, when I first moved into my apartment in Spanish Harlem, I decided to skip the expensive monthly memberships of sports clubs and gyms and instead, pay a $25 per year fee for the recreation center across the street. While I have met quite an interesting group of people lifting weights and doing my aerobic exercises, the conversations between me and the employees of the recreation center are often minimal. The primary reason behind this is that the almost all female, all overweight staff are so busy talking to each other and eating their greasy Chinese food that when a blonde girl comes in with tight yoga pants ready to “feel the burn” they are simply not interested. (Not all the staff fits this description, but I can assure you that most do). While my “hello’s” usually get brushed off, one woman has always been quite warm to me; a warmth that led to our conversation about the desires she has for her child’s success.
Tammi is an overweight woman in her late thirties who is not classically beautiful, but has a kindness that brings out an inner beauty few possess. After some initial weeks of small talk, Tammi began to open up to me about her personal life. Tammi is a single mother of a first grade boy who was, for the first year of school, going to a Catholic school. Because of her lack of income, however, Tammi had to recently take her son out of the school and is on the search for good magnet and charter schools in NYC that will let her son enroll. After talking about her frustrations for the lack of good public school systems in New York (something I know quite well, for I’ve worked within them), Tammi pulled out literally an inch- thick stack of what looked to be applications. “Every single one of these is an application that I must fill out. They are all to charter schools around the city and I pray every day that my son’s lottery number will get pulled and he will be accepted into the best one.”
Now for those of you unaware of the NYC charter school system, students and parents whom are unhappy will NYC public schools can fill out application forms to charter and magnet schools in hopes that the schools will provide better services (which many in fact do not). In order to be accepted, however, since so many students apply, there is a lottery system that only lets in a small percentage of the applicants. **For a first hand look at this, watch “Waiting for Superman.” Therefore, Tammi and her six year old son are in the hands of an all around faulty system… Faulty public schools which lead to faulty systems for choosing enrollment into privately run charter schools that can be just as faulty.
While I promised Tammi that I would do all I can to help her with her search (fortunately a few of my friends work in charter schools that do seem to be supportive and beneficial) I unfortunately could not promise much for the power I as an individual have in this system is slim to none. I did, however, ask her to come out with me sometime to get a drink so we could talk more about her life. While she thanked me and told me she wished she could, as a single parent it was is so hard for her to find a babysitter that she stays in every night…once again, I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment. I told her I would look for a free babysitter and promised that we would go out soon.
Tammi impacted me for many reasons. Reason one: She reminded me of the failing school system that I have been and continue to be a part of. Reason two: She reminded me of why I decided to not have children early, for the dedication and time involved in another being is much more than my selfish young mind can take. Reason three: She reminded me of just how strong love can be. The fact that Tammi is working two jobs, staying home every night to save money, and spending all her free time on filling out hundreds of applications is evidence of the immensity of dedication that love can spark. While in my life as of now, I will continue to go out and enjoy my life of independence,de I will take with me the hope that I will someday be like Tammi and like my own parents, full of the love and selflessness of a great parent.
Your description of Tammi and her struggles say more about the current discussion of public education in this country than most of the documentaries out there. It’s mostly about poverty. That’s why the “so-called” achievement gap exists. I have nothing against people wanting to help change the state of education and how it is perceived in this country, but Waiting For Superman leaves much to be desired. I’m pleased that you understand Charter schools are, in most cases, not the answer nor are they any better than solid public schools. As you no doubt know, teachers are under attack by corporate interests. Isn’t it odd that no teachers were interviewed in Waiting for Superman? Check out the Facebook page or web site of NOT waiting for Superman. (Btw, I still would like an update on your dad. I apologize in advance if it’s a touchy subject; haven’t talked to him in years but he was a good friend at one time)